TEMPER TANTRUMS
Temper tantrums are a normal part of your child’s development. They usually begin around 12 to 18 months, get worse between 2 and 3 years, then taper off after that, once children are able to use words to communicate their wants and needs.
Why Do Children Have Temper Tantrums?
During the toddler years, there is a change in how children process information. They become more aware that their world can change. They realize they won’t always get what they expect or want. Their young minds are easily overwhelmed, and they don’t know how to cope with change or how to deal with not getting their way.
Children may have temper tantrums because they:
- Do not understand what you are saying or asking
- Are upset when others cannot understand them
- Do not know how to tell you how they feel or what they feel or what they need
- Do not know how to solve problems on their own
- Have an illness or other problem that keeps them from expressing how they feel
- Are hungry or tired
- Are anxious or uncomfortable
- Are reacting to stress or changes at home
- Are jealous, want what other children have, or want the attention others receive
- Are not able to do as much as they think they can, such as walking, running, climbing, drawing, or making toys work
Tips To Prevent Temper Tantrums
- Encourage your child to use words to tell you how he is feeling. Try to suggest words they can use to describe their feelings.
- Set reasonable limits, and don’t expect your child to be perfect. Give simple reasons for your rules, and don’t change them.
- Keep to a daily routine as much as possible so your child knows what to expect
- Distract your child. Try a new game, book, or toy. Sometimes a change in location can prevent a tantrum. For example, if you are indoors, go outside and look for birds in the sky.
- Avoid situations that frustrate your child, such as playing with toys that are too advanced
- Avoid long outings during which your child has to sit still or cannot play. If you have to take a trip, bring along a favorite book or toy.
- Have healthy snacks ready when your child is hungry
- Make sure your child is well rested
- Be choosy about saying no. When you say no to everything, it can frustrate your child. Consider saying yes sometimes. Of course, don’t say yes just to avoid a tantrum. Praise your child for doing something good that otherwise may have led to frustration.
- Give choices when it comes to a mandatory task. For example, say “It’s time for your bath. Would you like to walk upstairs on your own or would you like me to carry you?” Make sure the choices you offer are also acceptable to you.
- Set a good example. Avoid arguing or yelling in front of your children.
How to Handle Tantrums
- Let the tantrum end itself- Once you child begins a tantrum, only he can end it. Allow him time and space to be left alone (in a safe place) to let the tantrum run its course. All tantrums end, almost always by a child’s path to resolution. Trying to end one early usually delays the child’s resolution.
- Try to stay calm- If you should or get angry, it can make things worse. If you can’t stay calm, leave the room. Wait a minute or two, or until the crying stops, before returning.
- Offer a cooling down time- During a tantrum, it’s helpful for parents to let the child not only manage his tantrum but also know there is a safe place and time for him to do so. It can be called a cooling-down time and place or a time-out.
- Ignore minor displays of anger, such as crying, kicking, and screaming- Try touching or holding your child to calm him down. Or, try standing nearby without talking until he calms down. If your child has a tantrum in a public area, you can take him home or to the car.
- Some behaviors are NOT ok and should not be ignored:
- Hitting or kicking people
- Throwing things that might hurt someone or break something
- Screaming or yelling for a long time
What Not To Do
- Never punish your child for temper tantrums- He may start to keep his anger or frustration inside, which can be unhealthy. Keep in mind that as your child grows he will learn to deal with strong emotions.
- Do not give in to your child just to stop a tantrum- This teaches your child that temper tantrums get him what he wants. Also, don’t feel guilty about saying no to your child. Set the rules and stick with them. When parents change the rules, it’s harder for children to understand which rules are firm and which ones are not. Discuss with your child’s caregivers which rules are needed and how to be firm about them.
When Temper Tantrums Are Serious
Your child should have fewer temper tantrums by 3 ½ years of age. Between tantrums, his behavior should seem normal and healthy. If the outbursts are severe or happen too often, this may be an early sign of emotional problems. Talk with your child’s doctor if he seems to have difficulty expressing himself with words (compared with other children of the same age); if he causes harm to himself or others, or holds his breath and faints; or if tantrums get worse after 4 years of age.
Breath-Holding Spells
Some children, when upset and crying very hard, hold their breath after taking a deep breath. They can even hold their breath to the point of passing out. It is not done on purpose but may happen during a temper tantrum. While these episodes may be scary for parents, rest assured that they are usually harmless and your child will grow out of them over time. If you have any concerns regarding breath-holding spells, contact you child’s doctor.
Adapted form information provided by the American Academy of Pediatrics
AAP Feed run on: 9/7/2024 Article information last modified on: 9/7/2024
TEMPER TANTRUMS
Temper tantrums are a normal part of your child’s development. They usually begin around 12 to 18 months, get worse between 2 and 3 years, then taper off after that, once children are able to use words to communicate their wants and needs.
Why Do Children Have Temper Tantrums?
During the toddler years, there is a change in how children process information. They become more aware that their world can change. They realize they won’t always get what they expect or want. Their young minds are easily overwhelmed, and they don’t know how to cope with change or how to deal with not getting their way.
Children may have temper tantrums because they:
- Do not understand what you are saying or asking
- Are upset when others cannot understand them
- Do not know how to tell you how they feel or what they feel or what they need
- Do not know how to solve problems on their own
- Have an illness or other problem that keeps them from expressing how they feel
- Are hungry or tired
- Are anxious or uncomfortable
- Are reacting to stress or changes at home
- Are jealous, want what other children have, or want the attention others receive
- Are not able to do as much as they think they can, such as walking, running, climbing, drawing, or making toys work
Tips To Prevent Temper Tantrums
- Encourage your child to use words to tell you how he is feeling. Try to suggest words they can use to describe their feelings.
- Set reasonable limits, and don’t expect your child to be perfect. Give simple reasons for your rules, and don’t change them.
- Keep to a daily routine as much as possible so your child knows what to expect
- Distract your child. Try a new game, book, or toy. Sometimes a change in location can prevent a tantrum. For example, if you are indoors, go outside and look for birds in the sky.
- Avoid situations that frustrate your child, such as playing with toys that are too advanced
- Avoid long outings during which your child has to sit still or cannot play. If you have to take a trip, bring along a favorite book or toy.
- Have healthy snacks ready when your child is hungry
- Make sure your child is well rested
- Be choosy about saying no. When you say no to everything, it can frustrate your child. Consider saying yes sometimes. Of course, don’t say yes just to avoid a tantrum. Praise your child for doing something good that otherwise may have led to frustration.
- Give choices when it comes to a mandatory task. For example, say “It’s time for your bath. Would you like to walk upstairs on your own or would you like me to carry you?” Make sure the choices you offer are also acceptable to you.
- Set a good example. Avoid arguing or yelling in front of your children.
How to Handle Tantrums
- Let the tantrum end itself- Once you child begins a tantrum, only he can end it. Allow him time and space to be left alone (in a safe place) to let the tantrum run its course. All tantrums end, almost always by a child’s path to resolution. Trying to end one early usually delays the child’s resolution.
- Try to stay calm- If you should or get angry, it can make things worse. If you can’t stay calm, leave the room. Wait a minute or two, or until the crying stops, before returning.
- Offer a cooling down time- During a tantrum, it’s helpful for parents to let the child not only manage his tantrum but also know there is a safe place and time for him to do so. It can be called a cooling-down time and place or a time-out.
- Ignore minor displays of anger, such as crying, kicking, and screaming- Try touching or holding your child to calm him down. Or, try standing nearby without talking until he calms down. If your child has a tantrum in a public area, you can take him home or to the car.
- Some behaviors are NOT ok and should not be ignored:
- Hitting or kicking people
- Throwing things that might hurt someone or break something
- Screaming or yelling for a long time
What Not To Do
- Never punish your child for temper tantrums- He may start to keep his anger or frustration inside, which can be unhealthy. Keep in mind that as your child grows he will learn to deal with strong emotions.
- Do not give in to your child just to stop a tantrum- This teaches your child that temper tantrums get him what he wants. Also, don’t feel guilty about saying no to your child. Set the rules and stick with them. When parents change the rules, it’s harder for children to understand which rules are firm and which ones are not. Discuss with your child’s caregivers which rules are needed and how to be firm about them.
When Temper Tantrums Are Serious
Your child should have fewer temper tantrums by 3 ½ years of age. Between tantrums, his behavior should seem normal and healthy. If the outbursts are severe or happen too often, this may be an early sign of emotional problems. Talk with your child’s doctor if he seems to have difficulty expressing himself with words (compared with other children of the same age); if he causes harm to himself or others, or holds his breath and faints; or if tantrums get worse after 4 years of age.
Breath-Holding Spells
Some children, when upset and crying very hard, hold their breath after taking a deep breath. They can even hold their breath to the point of passing out. It is not done on purpose but may happen during a temper tantrum. While these episodes may be scary for parents, rest assured that they are usually harmless and your child will grow out of them over time. If you have any concerns regarding breath-holding spells, contact you child’s doctor.
Adapted form information provided by the American Academy of Pediatrics
AAP Feed run on: 9/7/2024 Article information last modified on: 9/7/2024
